Let's Take a Stroll in the Woods...

The job I do now is great; it's fun and rewarding most of the time.
But before I was transferred, I got a never-ending line of people who would tell me that the program was (1) run much better ten years ago, and that (2) we used to have such cool things, and (3) we used to do such cool things.

(1) The Program Was Better Ten Years Ago

People of an older generation think everything was better ten years ago. Even now, in my early twenties, I think of things when I was younger as being far superior than what the young'ns today have. Also, the program had more funding ten years ago when we actually charged money for visitors. Things change when it's free, that's for sure.

(2) Used to have "cool" things

By cool things, they mean large tanks, big flashy fish, laminated posters. All of these things require money. Which the state doesn't have. Over ten years, a fifty gallon tank WILL break, I don't care if it's made of glass or diamond. By the way, if a living, breathing, adorable seahorse that saves other fish in the tank from being sucked in the filter isn't "cool" enough for you, then you can go screw.

(3) Used to do "cool" things

By do cool things, they mean going for guided nature tours in the woods. I'm not an idiot. I can ask the parents all they want if I have permission to take their kids into the woods--alone-- because the parents refuse to go, and as soon as I disappear behind the first tree, they'll be on the phone with their lawyers about how I kidnapped their kids.

Also, every-freaking-time I leave my tanks alone, things, including wild animals, get stolen. Signs get ripped and defaced, weird crap gets put into tanks, some ass-hat decided to flip the tank vertical just "to see what happens". (Yes, this did happen)

The number one thing why I'm not going in the woods alone isn't because of some kid, it's for my own safety. Maybe that's selfish, but you'll see why I have a high sense of self-preservation.


It was a typical summer day, blue and breezy by the bay (yay alliteration!), when a man commented on my exhibit that of course, there weren't impressive enough specimen. I told him I was hoping to go to another town soon to do some collecting, to which he half-jokingly chided me for not going and collecting things here at the beach where I worked. After explaining that the other town had better nets and resources for me to use, he still didn't want to hear it, and thought I was half-assing my job. The real reason I didn't want to collect at this beach was because I wrote a paper on it in college about how horribly polluted it was. I remembered the day I went in up to my knee and couldn't stop itching for the rest of the day. No freaking way I was going in that water.

I decided to go freshwater fishing later, and to my chagrin, the same man from before decided to follow along with his daughter and her friend. The two girls ran around up ahead while I made small-talk with the guy. He kept talking about how much he rode his bike everywhere to stay in shape (he walked with a limp, was slightly overweight, and was breathing deeply just from walking), and that his wife wasn't making the same effort. I tol' her I don't date no big woman! was his righteous cry. Friendly most of the time, but tried to cover up his breaking wind as he was walking with sudden grunts.

Fishing went okay, and I decided to head back; which he continued to go on about how his love life was failing because he wasn't attracted to her anymore and he could get a younger thing, and talking about how pretty he thought I was. I walked faster, but trying to be polite as he fell behind due to his limp, caused me to stay pretty much in tandem with him. He had me guess how old he was, and was delighted that I guessed lower than he was. (he was in his mid fifties)

Ooooh!!!! She like meeee! Imma touch her!

Back at my exhibit, he stopped past me to wish me a good day, and tenderly squeezed my shoulder. I froze, but didn't think to freak out even though my insides were somersaulting. He stayed away after that, but I was not happy with how the afternoon went.

How do you be genuinely nice to someone without leading them on/asking for the entirely of their life story that is none of my business?

Creepy touchy guys = never in the woods alone. And that's final.