You'll be Beautiful in 10 Years...Just not now

The world of fast-food is a pain in the ass. It's not really fast, it's not really food, and the brief interchanges with people are often shallow and superficial.

The particular coffee place I had worked at in the past was all about quick efficient service and good products. The employees there were all about the almighty dollar via tips, and at a job that pays minimum wage, I don't blame them. Girls would come into work to make coffee like they were going out on the town. Makeup painstakingly applied to highlight gorgeous eyes, a hint of lip gloss to lusciously frost the cake that was her lips framing her mega-watt white smile, nails flawlessly painted in whimsical patterns over acrylic rectangles on her real nails, top buttons of the shirt carefully cut to reveal a hint of the goods as she leans out the drive-thru window. It was an artform. These girls had to pretend to be happy at work and that everyone that came through was God's gift to the world so everyone else could bring home enough money to pay the bills.

On this particular day, the Pretty People weren't working, so it was my chance to shine at drive-thru cashiering! I was...awkward, even moreso than now, but back then I was a late teen, slightly heavy and constantly fighting a body image issue. I wore men's shorts to work, a baggy shirt, and a low ponytail. A deterrent for any male in the area, but not some women, if you catch my drift. Anyhoo, I was convinced I had a huge body and a passable face. A reverse-butterface if you will. Do you remember the term butterface from middle school?

Tool: Ch'yeah Brahh, d'you see Julie* at the beach yesterday? Sooo hot.
Douche:  You're kiddin, right? You could enter her in a dog show with a mug like that. Whaddaya blind?
Tool: N-no she's like a 6.5
Douche: Dudedudedudedudedude. Dude. She's a total butterface.
Tool: bwahh?
Douche: Everything's hot, but. her. face.
Tool: ....
[ten minutes elapse]
Tool: AHAHAH I GOT IT! You're funny brahh!

*Sorry Julies of the world!!!!!

So yeah, a reverse butterface, which doesn't have a catchy name, would be a pretty face and a mehhhhhhh to blargh body. Which is EXCELLENT for a drive-thru window, because they can't see past your boobs anyways!

So, this day was to be my day! I would get the dollar bills! I would get the quarters! I would get the knowing stares of oh hayy gurl hayyy. The day was going just fine, not raking in the big bucks like usual, but it was passable  enough that I wasn't wrenched away from the window. Finally at one point in the shift I have a very  kind man at the window. I smile and make the usual pre-prescribed coffee house lines, and he keeps staring. And smiling! In my head, I feel like I've sealed the deal; dollar bill, here I come!

He gets ready to leave and my heart falls, being nice for nothing! How dare he waste my forced niceness without paying me that completely optional tip! He hesitates and says, You're going to make a beautiful mother some day.
He drives away.
.   .  .
no tip
.  .  .

                                            You're going to be a beautiful mother some day.

What?! W-well yeah, that'd be nice, but
 NO

My head was reeling; does that mean I'm not pretty now, but will only be pretty when there is a parasitic life form inside of my womb forcing my skin to split and my weight to increase even more?!?

Yeah. I watched Alien. I KNOW what parasitic life forms can do.

 What does that mean? I'll look great driving a minivan full of kids on their way to soccer practice? I'll look supersexy with high-waisted jeans?

Delicious

 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
It's really not something a teenager on the cusp of going to college wanted to hear. End of rant. See you next time.

"It means when you have a baby you're gonna look like me, Dearie."

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Photo From Fashion Blog <--Mom Jeans SNL photo source!